It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
