Sponge bath it is.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
