Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
