that's an acceptable place to lick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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