I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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