my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
