he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
