It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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