why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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