Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
