I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
