dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
