dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
