I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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