remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
