Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
