Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
