thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
