shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
