Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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