She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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