drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
