What a fucking waste of an outfit
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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