Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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