Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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