"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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