wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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