Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
