I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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