Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
