watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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