Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
