did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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