I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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