I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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