I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
