I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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