Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
