every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
