I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
