I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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