Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
