Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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