It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
