I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
