And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
