He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
