I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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