dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
