hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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