Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
