there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
